Jump already… or else.

I love this story. Despite my anti-China stance (see category labeled anti-China), I have to tip the old halo to Lai. Lai was “fed up with what he called the ’selfish activity’ of a potential jumper” so he shook the jumper’s hand and then pushed his whiny  caboose off the bridge.  Of course, Lai was arrested and will be sued by the spineless faller (if they allow that in China). But still, I bet it was worth it.  Walk on, Lai, we’re holding a spot for you in the Hall of Heroes. Now get your donkey out of Tibet.

Holy taxes Batman.

I wonder if people are really in tune with the amount of money goes towards government taxation and general fees beyond what we actually buy each month. I know most people complain about the money taken from their paychecks each month, and perhaps sales tax is a nuisance for them, too. Overall, I think people just accept it as a part of life and move on, content to have “taxes” be just another topic to blah blah blah about.

Now that I am financially crippled to the point where, if I was a horse, I’d have to be shot for free, I am trying to get my hands around budgeting and money management. As I list my monthly bills and overdue amounts in a spreadsheet, I am taking note of the taxes and fees levied every month. To quote the Duke, it is re-goddamndiculous.

From my cable/internet/telephone bill – Telephone processing fee, Cable sales tax, Gross earnings, FCC user fee, Telephone sales tax, E911 access fee, State telephony relay charge,Federal excise tax, Telephone state sales tax, Regulatory cost fee,  and Federal universal service fund, totaling 13.32 each month. That is  abusive. Multiply that by how many people have cable/telephone/internet service and imagine where all of that money is going. Can you hear the proverbial flush?

How about my cell phone? Not as bad, but it is just one service. There is the Fed universal service charge again, Regulatory charge, Administrative charge, CT telecom relay surcharge, E911 fee, and State sales tax fee.

I checked my electric and gas bills too. I cannot even tell what I am getting charged for. After the Generation service charge, there is a Transmission charge, Distr Cust Service Charge, Distr charge per kwh, CTA charge per kwh, FMCC Delivery charge, and Combined public benefits charge (combining 3 charges into 1).  I won’t even put a number here, it makes me weep.

Then there is the gas company. This one is a real stone kicker. I have natural gas service for cooking only, because electric stoves are for kittens with milk mustaches.  The charge for the gas each month is about $7, but the bill is $23 because of fees, taxes, and a customer service charge of $15 each month. $15! Are you really doing that to me without asking? I mean, son of God almighty, that is just insanity. My mistake – the insanity is that I pay it, because the only choice I have is to fire up the camping stove or cook over the fire pit to be sure my venison steaks are worthy of theistic sacrifice.

So it goes.

Hope you brought enough for everyone.

In the old days (1984 for you youngins), if you ever brought candy to school and the teacher found out, you had to give everyone a piece… for free. What if you did not have enough for everyone? Then you got paddled, and that really ruined your day – no candy and a beating? Shucks. Though not as traumatic as the time your mom forced you to use your own dough to buy refreshments for everyone at the drive-in movie premier of Annie, but still a downer.

Fast forward to the 21st century, everyone must do their part in order to win the war on drugs, even teachers. You won’t be asked to share with everyone, but you will have to face charges for dealing cough drops. harsh, but there is an upside – drugs have huge mark-up. That’s right kids, there is real money to be made on cough drops – up to a buck a hit!  If you buy the economy pack, that is $.95 of profit on each piece. And that is for Halls Vitamin C drops, imagine what you can get for a Smith Brothers Wild Cherry Cough drop! Hell yeah, Grandma,  and a booyah to boot.

Seriously, that teacher is a total pumpkinstone. She’s just pissed because she has a whole drawer full of meds she could have pushed through the school’s Halls dealer network. As long as she was sure no child got left behind, she could have been living the American dream. Instead she turned into a slack jawed little rat that squealed to the authorities. Now she has egg on her face, the school administration looks ridiculous, and the real goods are still easily available in the second grade or on the school bus (I have to admit this is not really a big deal – drinking on the bus has been a favorite pastime in many rural areas for years. My mom, being the frugal person she was, always put the Jack in my thermos – no sense paying retail when you can bring your own. Thanks Mom!)